How Baseball Can Help the Socially Awkward

I know what you’re thinking.  Why is someone so witty and intelligent in print claiming to be socially awkward? Well, this may come as a shock to many of my readers (all 2 of you), but I do not thrive in social scenarios. If you’re like me, you meet someone and you spend more time staring at your feet and fidgeting than you do talking. And eye contact?  What eye contact?  You avoid it at all costs.  However, my one saving grace has always been baseball, and now it can be yours too!  Let me explain…

When I meet someone for the first time I immediately place him or her in one of two categories. The “I eat, breathe, dream about sports” fan or the “who is Derek Jeter? What are these sports you speak of?” non-fan.  How, you ask, can I label someone just by looking at them?  I can’t.  I make this determination by showing off my tattoo and then gauging each person’s reaction.

My Tattoo:

This man made Tim Wakefield cry.  He must be the devil.

OK, so I don’t have a “Devil Aaron Boone” tattoo, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t considered getting one.  Anyway, I usually drop a line about sports at the beginning of a conversation, and if my counterpart takes the bait we become best friends.

So what does all this have to do with being socially awkward?  Good question.  Basically, I'm not a great at making conversation, and I am especially bad with people I don’t know very well. Baseball (and sports in general) provides me with a continuing and ever-changing topic of conversation.  When it comes to sports, there is always something new to talk about and I am always thrilled to discuss it.  In fact, once I start talking sports I don’t shut up. Gone is the impulse to stare at my feet and suddenly I stop fidgeting. It’s almost as if discussing sports transforms me into a properly functioning member of society. While I am passionate about other things as well, there are only so many times I can ask why the shooter on the Star Destroyer didn’t blow up the Tantive IV escape pod carrying C-3P0 and R2-D2. So what if there were no life forms on board? Did he not realize that droids exist?  Blowing up the pod would have destroyed the Death Star blue prints and any chance the Rebellion had at defeating the Empire. But I digress…

My point is, while other topics of conversation can be discussed to the point of exhaustion, every day brings new sports headlines and gives fans something fresh to talk about over dinner or at a party. Without sports, you may run out of topics to discuss and may be reluctant to bring up, yet again, how upset you are that Tolkien sent Frodo off to the Grey Havens at the end of the Lord of the Rings. This will most likely lead to an unintentional lull in the conversation, which is where baseball can save the day. Right before the pause in dialogue grows to an awkwardly epic size you say "Hey, did you catch the game last night?" and voilà, crisis averted.  So my advice to anyone who considers him or herself an awkward conversationalist: start watching baseball (or any sport for that matter). You’ll be surprised how quickly you will emerge from your socially awkward shell.