I Mustache You a Question: Who Has the Best Facial Hair in the MLB?

Anyone who knows me knows that I like beards, and facial hair in general.  If I see someone with an awesome beard walking down the street, I will never not comment on it.  However, facial hair can go terribly wrong, and many times in Major League Baseball, it does.  So I am listing the best and worst beards (and mustaches) currently in baseball.  A lot of research went into this post (and by a lot of research went into this I mean absolutely no research went into this, I just watch way too much baseball).  So here we go...

The Best of the Best

OK, I am just going to get this out of the way now.  Brian Wilson's beard is fantastic, and has taken on a life of its own.  It has its own website and has launched Wilson to super stardom, which is good for us because we get hysterically awesome commercials like this one:

Johan Santana may be on the disabled list, but his beard is as healthy as ever.  I am not usually a fan of the goatee, but this one is just so well groomed and perfect.  So kudos to you Johan Santana, for knowing how to properly grow a goatee.

It is with a heavy heart that I include Jayson Werth's beard on this list.  Sadly, the National's right fielder shaved off his fantastic facial hair at the beginning of the 2011 season, but the beard will live on forever in my heart and the hearts of thousands of baseball fans across the country.

Carl Pavano is sporting a goatee for the 2011 season, but that is not what earned him a spot on my list.  Instead, it is the mustache that some deemed a "porn stash," which Pavano sported all last season, that places him here.  How, you ask, can such a simple mustache put Carl Pavano in the company of bearded greats like Brian Wilson and Jayson Werth?  Well, it is because most people would look downright creepy with that stache, and yet Pavano really pulls it off (or at least he does in my eyes).  So I believe he deserves some recognition for making the "porn stache" work, don't you?

Last but not least, Jason Varitek's simple stubble earns him a spot on my list.  If you look up the word beard in the dictionary, this picture will be there.  The beard is just full enough and perfectly groomed.  In my opinion, if you are looking to grow facial hair, model it after Tek's beard.

The Worst of the Worst

Cubs pitcher Chad Gaudin's beard is one of the most bizarre things I have ever seen. Did he use a ruler to create that straight line of facial hair?  Maybe he should use said ruler to measure the length of his beard...and then seriously consider shaving it.

Both these men, Diamondbacks pitcher Clay Zavada (left) and Brewers closer Josh Axford (right) seem to be channeling the facial hair of famous relief pitcher Rollie Fingers.  I hate to break it to them, but Rollie is the only one who can pull off the evil villain stache.

No one may ever know what relief pitcher Ryan Franklin was thinking when he grew this unkempt mess of chin hair, but one thing is for certain, it needs to go.  The facial hair does not look bad on him, but the beard definitely needs to be trimmed.

It kills me to say this because my love for Tim Lincecum is unyielding, but the mustache he grew during the offseason does not look good on him.  Maybe Tim was jealous of fellow teammate Brian Wilson's epic beard, so he decided to grow some facial hair of his own.  Well sorry Timmy, you may have been blessed with the ability to throw a wicked change-up, but you cannot grow a mustache.  Fortunately, Tim showed up to Spring Training sans facial hair.  When asked where his mustache went, Lincecum responded, "My dog licked it off."  That's one smart dog.

Lastly...I am not trying to hate on the Yankees here, but they all have the worst facial hair because they are not allowed to grow any!  (OK, they can grow facial hair above the lip, but beards are way more fun than mustaches, so its still disappointing).  Nick Swisher could still look like this and Johnny Damon would still be a caveman if the Bronx Bombers allowed bearded ballplayers.  So boo to the Yankees ownership for not allowing players to grow facial hair.

Honorable Mention

How could I not include Scott Spiezio and his infamous, red...what would you call this...a landing strip?  I don't know whether I love the beard (and I use that term rather loosely) or hate it, so I cheated and placed it in honorable mentions.  I am not a fan of the "landing strip" look, but he dyed it to match his team's colors, so that earns Scott some major points in my book.  Another reason Spiezio is only on the honorable mentions list?  Right now he is in the Atlanta Braves Minor League system.  I decided to only put current Major League players on my best and worst list, but Spiezio's facial hair is too great/bad to ignore.

Astros pitcher Brett Myers is another person who I was on the fence about.  His beard is a mixture of awesome and awful and I just cannot decide which list to place him on.  So once again, I am taking the easy way out and placing him on my honorable mentions list.

What do you guys think?  Are there people who should have made this list but didn't?  Is there someone on the "Best of the Best List" that should be on the "Worst of the Worst" list or vice versa?  Let me know! 

Good Morning Baltimore

Back in early March I applied for the MLB dream job, and part of the application process was an essay about what I thought would be the biggest storyline of the 2011 baseball season.  Well, I didn't get the job (no surprise there) but with the Orioles playing the way they are 9 games into the season, I am pretty happy with the essay I wrote.  Here is what I said on March 3rd:

"With every new baseball season, there is one standout team that defies expectations, makes headlines, and steals the show.  A few years ago that team was the Tampa Bay Rays, and last year it was the San Francisco Giants.  This year, I believe that team will be the Baltimore Orioles.  That’s right, not the Phillies, not the Red Sox, but the Orioles, and here are my reasons why: 

Last August the Orioles fired their skipper, and replaced interim manager Juan Samuel with experienced manager Buck Showalter.  Showalter is a two-time American League Manager of the Year winner who has made a career of fixing broken teams.  He managed the Yankees through disarray in the early 1990s and the team won the World Series the year after he left.  Showalter then went on to manage a new expansion team, the Arizona Diamondbacks, and that team also went on to win the World Series the year after Buck left.  While Showalter was not physically present in the dugout for either team’s World Series win, it was his hard work and motivating managerial techniques that got the Yankees and the Diamondbacks their titles.  Just last year, when Showalter joined the Orioles on August 3rd, the team went from a losing record of 32-73, to finish off the season with a 34-23 stint.  The mere presence of Buck Showalter in the dugout improved the Orioles’ game dramatically.  This season Buck will be with the Orioles from the very beginning, and as a result we will see some exciting baseball played in Camden Yards for the first time in over a decade. 

Buck Showalter

While Showalter is a fantastic manager, he alone cannot make the Orioles stand out in 2011.  The team already had some talent in the likes of Nick Markakis and Brian Roberts, but the offseason signings of big bats like Vladimir Guerrero and Derrek Lee are going to help Baltimore offensively.  Furthermore, parting with Ty Wigginton at third base was an improvement in and of itself, but the addition of a hopefully healthy Mark Reynolds will help the Orioles both at the plate and in the field.  Lastly, a young pitching staff does not necessarily translate to a bad pitching staff, and with a rotation lead by Brian Matusz, the Orioles are not going down without a fight. 

Will the Baltimore Orioles be our 2011 World Series Champions?  Definitely not.  Will the team even make the playoffs?  Probably not.  However, with Buck Showalter at the helm combined with a balance of fresh young talent and skilled veterans, the Orioles will not only have their first winning season since 1997, but they will do so in a way that will catch the attention of the baseball community."  

Now I know the season is only two weeks old, but the Orioles are in first place in the AL East and delivered the undefeated Texas Rangers their first loss.  Like I said, I do not believe the Orioles are going to be our 2011 World Series Champions, and I highly doubt they will make the playoffs, but I am confident that for the first time since 1997, the Orioles will be a threat and a contender in the American League's loaded Eastern Division.

Baseball's Back!

Opening weekend of the 2011 baseball season is drawing to a close and you know its early in the season because games are postponed due to snow!  


As a Red Sox fan, I am not exactly thrilled with the way this season has begun.  With all the hype surrounding the Red Sox offense throughout the offseason and spring training, I was not expecting my team to get swept by the defending American League Champion Texas Rangers.  However, run production was not the obstacle facing the Red Sox in their first series of 2011.  The Sox scored 11 runs in their first three games, but gave up 26 runs, including 11 home runs, to the Rangers.  Ian Kinsler, the Rangers' starting second baseman, and professional James Franco look-a-like, hit a home run in each game of the series, including one in his first at-bat of the season.       

Not James Franco

                                                        
The Red Sox pitchers need to step up, hit their spots, and not throw the ball right down the middle of the plate.  Also, if you ask me (and no one is, but when has that ever stopped me from voicing my opinion) the Red Sox rotation should be as follows: Jon Lester, Clay Buchholz, Josh Beckett, John Lackey, and Daisuke Matsuzaka.  I don't care that Beckett and Lackey have more experience than Lester and Buccholz, at this point the veterans are not pitching well, and that needs to be reflected in the rotation.  Also, I am sick of Jonathan Papelbon.  I'm sorry, but I am.  At first I put up with his ridiculous stare down to home plate and the five hours (literally) he takes between pitches because he got the job done and ended the game.  Now, however, Papelbon seems incapable of ending a game without making it exciting.  Today, he gave up a run and loaded the bases before striking out the side and he does not seem to be as effective as he used to be.  Maybe this will correct itself as the season goes on, but if not, the Red Sox seriously need to consider using the hard-throwing Daniel Bard as their every day closer.  Lastly, Carl Crawford has been off to a not quite abysmal, but also not so great start, in his first year with the Sox.  This season he is 2-9 with one RBI, and went 0-7 in his first two games.  Crawford will not go through the entire season with a .200 batting average, and will no doubt step up to the plate (as usual, pun intended) and live up to everyone's expectations.  All in all, I am not too worried about the Red Sox, and have confidence that they will make the playoffs this season.  After all, its a long season and there are still 159 undoubtedly exciting games left to be played.


In other opening weekend news, I found the following three extremely different stories to be equally and incredibly intriguing.  


First, after the Dodgers home opener against the Giants, a Giants fan was beaten by two Dodgers fans and is now in a medically induced coma.  The man, a father of two, is said to be in critical condition.  Stories like this are incredibly disheartening.  While rivalries are fun (and the Dodgers and Giants have a great one) baseball is just a game and there is no reason for the violence that took place last Thursday.


Changing gears, while reading the sports section of the New York Times today, I spotted a story that caught my eye.  Everyone who knows me knows that I love mountain climbing, so when I saw that R.A. Dickey is planning to climb Mount Kilimanjaro this offseason, my first thought was "COOL!" and my second thought was, "is he contractually allowed to do that?"  Well, Dickey scoured his contract and found that mountain climbing is a-okay, so he is going to climb the highest peak in Africa this January.  Part of me thinks this is awesome, but the other part thinks, if I work in the Mets' front office or root for the team, I don't want the man who is emerging as the Mets best pitcher to climb an almost 20,000 foot mountain just a month before pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training.  It seems, however, that Dickey is going to climb the mountain, so one can only hope that he is accompanied by a team of people who can keep him free of the many illnesses that can plague a Kilimanjaro hiker.  


While we are on the topic of the New York Mets, an SportsNet New York (SNY) employee played this Family Guy clip over Gary Cohen on the Mets postgame show after the team lost on opening day.  Apparently SNY executives were not very happy, and you can see why:

All in all it has been an eventful start to the 2011 season and I cannot wait to see how it all unfolds.

Guess What Everyone? I'm Not Crazy...

For the past few years I have been arguing that Terry Francona, the Red Sox manager, looks like actor Shia LaBeouf.  My theory is that 25 years from now, Shia will look like Terry Francona looks at 50.  And the similarities do not stop at looks, both men have similar mannerisms and the same deep voice.  After trying and failing to prove my point, I decided to look up a picture of a young Terry Francona and compare it to one of Shia LaBeouf.  The results?

                                                                                         

As you can see, they could be brothers!  I was able to convince some of my friends that young Terry is Shia's doppelganger, and vice versa, but I still thought I was crazy until my friend Nicole posted the following link on my facebook page today:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0812/athlete.lookalikes.fan.submissions/content.8.html

It is a link to a Sports Illustrated look-a-like post that includes this picture:

The joy I felt in knowing that at least one other person on the planet can look at a 50 year old Terry Francona and see a 24 year old Shia LaBeouf is indescribable, and while the title of this post may be a bit of an exaggeration, at least I am a little less crazy than I was yesterday! 

Now, when a movie about the 2004 Red Sox is inevitably made, I say cast Shia as the Red Sox skipper.  Its the role he was born to play!

And while we're at it, let's pretend that age is not a factor and cast some other celebrities as 2004 Red Sox. 

Red Sox left fielder Manny Ramirez will be played by Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz

                                                                                 

Red Sox center fielder Johnny Damon will be played by Bill and Ted actor Keanu Reeves



 Red Sox first baseman Kevin Millar will be played by Matthew McConaughey, not so much because they look alike, but because if anyone can pull off Millar's crazy cowboy persona, its the man who lives in a trailer.                                                

                                                                                                                                                  

Well, that's all I've got for now.  Any casting suggestions?  Let me know!

Forget New Era, the Best Cap for Baseball is the Salary Cap

First and foremost I want to apologize for the lack of entries since last October.  I was so happy that my wish/prediction for a Rangers vs Giants World Series came true, and so depressed that baseball season was over, that I stopped writing.  But now, Spring Training is in full swing (the pun was completely intended, I’m not gonna lie) and I am ready to spew my thoughts on the 2011 season.  Before I do that, I would like to post a rant about salary caps in Major League Baseball, don’t all jump for joy at once.  I am getting this out of the way before the season officially starts because thinking about it takes some of the joy out of watching the game.  Having said that, it is also something I feel I need to write about, so here we go…

A salary cap for MLB is an idea whose time has come.  A cap would benefit small market teams and their fans by creating a more balanced level of talent and competition.  The Yankees and Red Sox are two of the big market teams that have seemingly unlimited financial resources which make it difficult for less wealthy franchises to compete in the free agent market.  Worse, these smaller clubs often lose their best players to free agency because they cannot compete with the salaries offered by wealthier teams.  MLB’s salary cap should place limits on how much a player can be paid and how high a team’s payroll can be.  Although the Boston fan in me would love to see Albert Pujols playing almost any position in a Red Sox uniform, the baseball fan in me wants to see the Cardinals and other teams keep their top players.

Over the past decade, salaries for Major League Baseball players have increased exponentially, all starting with Alex Rodriguez and the Texas Rangers signing a groundbreaking multi-million dollar deal in 2001.  Now athletes say “hey, player X was given this amount of money and since I am at least as good as him, I deserve to get paid at least as much.”  I am going to risk sounding trite, and quote Jerry Maguire…everyone is saying “SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!”  No one wants to play for small market teams anymore because that is not where the money is.  As a result, fans of teams like the Padres and the Royals are suffering, and getting turned off to baseball, as their players depart for clubs with fatter wallets.

The absence of a salary cap means more than just an upset in the balance of power around the Majors.  In a time where most baseball fans are unemployed, just scraping by financially, or starting to recover from the recession, Major League Baseball players are demanding multi-million dollar contracts.  This is AMERICA’S pastime, and the disconnect between average Americans and ballplayers is upsetting.  Higher salaries equal higher ticket prices, which in turn means that many fans will not be able to afford tickets to games.  If ballplayers really care about what is best for the game of baseball and its fans, they will not demand such high salaries.  Until that happens, I have to say that no matter how much I truly love baseball, I am a little disappointed in its players.  Having said all that, nothing can ruin the wonderful feeling I get every March when I heard those two fantastic words for the first time: Play Ball!

My Postseason Musings aka I Want a Rangers vs Giants World Series

The 2010 American and National League Championship Series are, in my opinion, the most captivating postseason series Major League Baseball has had in years.  With the Phillies' Roy Halladay and the Giants' Tim Lincecum on the mound in game one of the NLCS (one of the greatest postseason pitching match-ups ever), it is impossible to predict which team will be victorious, but one thing is for certain, these two pitchers know how to make history.  Furthermore, the camaraderie and chemistry in Texas (i.e. the ginger ale celebration and the support the Rangers showed their manager) is what being a great team is all about and is a story that captivates fans and keeps people tuned in to playoff baseball.  While most people are predicting a repeat of last year's Phillies vs. Yankees World Series, neither team is a shoo-in for the title of repeat league champion.  Here is how I think the Giants can beat the Phillies and the Rangers can beat the Yankees:

(stats courtesy of http://espn.go.com/mlb/)

San Francisco Giants vs. Philadelphia Phillies:

After sweeping the Reds in the NLDS, most baseball enthusiasts are in agreement that nothing can stop the Phillies from going back to the World Series for the third year in a row.  I am not writing the Giants off that quickly, however, and believe that San Francisco has a decent shot at going to the World Series this year.  It is safe to say that the Giants have one of the best pitching staffs in all of Major League Baseball.  San Francisco's three main starters, Tim Lincecum aka The Freak (who, by the way, dropped an F-bomb on live TV twice in one week), Matt Cain, and Jonathan Sanchez, had an ERA of 1.23 in the NLDS, and Sanchez was the only one of those starters to give up an earned run to the Braves.  While the Phillies are definitely a better hitting team than the Braves were this season, Philadelphia only hit .212 with one home run against the Reds, whose starting three pitchers had an ERA of 3.94 in the regular season and 8.36 in the NLDS.  If the Phillies could not hit for power or average against the Reds rotation, how are they going to score runs against a much superior Giants staff, whose three NLDS starters had a combined regular season ERA of 3.21?  While the Giants, who batted .212 in the NLDS against the Braves, are not going to be hitting balls out of the park against the likes of Halladay, Hammels and Oswalt, they can play small ball to get base runners.  If leadoff man Andres Torres can bunt up the third-base line, a 34 year old, injured Polanco, might not be able to make a play.  Torres is a threat to steal bases and he can set up potential RBI situations for the big bats, Buster Posey and Pat Burrell.  With the three pitching match-ups planned for the first three games of the series, one run can mean the difference in each game.  Unlike in the steroid years of the past, the 2010 NLCS will be all about the pitcher and playing small ball.


  Texas Rangers vs. New York Yankees

A big question mark for the Yankees this year has been the team's starting pitching.  Their only consistent pitcher has been CC Sabathia, and while they swept the twins in the ALDS, the Texas Rangers offense is much more threatening than the anemic Twins lineup (one that was missing 2006 MVP award winner Justin Morneau).  With the fantastic pitching of Cliff Lee (who is undefeated in the postseason), and Cliff Lee Jr. (oh, I mean CJ Wilson), all the Rangers have to do is get Josh Hamilton, who batted .111 with no home runs in the ALDS, back to his pre-September form, and Texas is in good shape to blow the Yankees out of the water.  The question of how to get Josh Hamilton's bat back is an easy one to answer.  With Vlad Guerrero having a sub-par ALDS, batting .263 with no home runs and one RBI, Hamilton was not getting any pitches to hit. If a powerful bat follows Hamilton in the lineup, he will see better pitches, more strikes, and less junk.  No pitcher will want to pitch around the number three hitter, Hamilton, to get to the clean-up hitter if the number four batter is a threat to blast one out of the park.  The lack of good pitches to hit, combined with a month of sitting on the bench, left Hamilton with little hope of putting up big numbers in the Division Series.  Now that Hamilton has gotten the opportunity to warm-up, his bat should be all ready for the Championship Series against the Yankees.  What manager Ron Washington needs to do is rearrange the batting order so that his number three hitter is protected.  Move Guerrero, who is not hitting for power, down to the number six spot in the lineup, and move Ian Kinsler, who batted .444 with 3 home runs and 6 RBI in the ALDS, to the clean-up spot, with the always dangerous Nelson Cruz, who batted .400 with 3 home runs and 3 RBI, hitting fifth.  With those changes and a great pitching rotation, I believe the Rangers are unstoppable, even against an all-star lineup like the Yankees.

Humor(dor) the Skeptics, Bring in a Third Party

I have to apologize for the amount of time that has passed since my last post.  I went on vacation, I have been looking for a job, and quite frankly, I did not have that much to talk about.  Things were pretty uneventful in the world of Major League Baseball and everything was running smoothly.  However, while watching both the Red Sox vs Yankees and Giants vs Rockies on Friday night, two incidents occurred that gave me incentive to start blogging again. 

I will start with the near heart attack I suffered as Mike Lowell got hit in the face, and subsequently hit the dirt, while trying to field a ground ball that took a terrible hop.  The baseball gods need to give Lowell a break. The poor guy fought to get playing time the entire first half of the season, is only playing now because half the Red Sox starting lineup is on the DL, is retiring at the end of the year and is playing the last few games of his career.  Now he is sitting on the bench indefinitely along with the rest of the 2010 Red Sox, but hopefully he will be back in the starting lineup tonight or tomorrow.  Mike Lowell brings a lot to the table for the Red Sox.  He is definitely a better than average hitter and although his range in the field is not what it used to be, he gets the job done at first base.  The Red Sox need him right now.  Although it is unlikely that the Sox will be making the playoffs this year, they are not yet mathematically eliminated from securing the Wild Card, and I'm an optimist.  If this series with the Yankees is any indication, there is a slight pulse in the injury-ridden body that is the 2010 Boston Red Sox.  As the great (Yankee) catcher Yogi Berra once said, "It ain't over till its over."

Moving on.  All season there has been an interesting rumor circulating throughout the Major Leagues concerning the Colorado Rockies.  A rumor started by Giant's broadcaster Jon Miller in this interview: http://www.knbr.com/portals/3/podcasts/murphmac/0708jonmiller.MP3.  Due to the high altitude and thin, dry air in Denver, baseballs dry up and shrink, allowing them to travel greater distances, which in turn increases the home run frequency at the Rockies' home park, Coors Field.  To combat this, the Rockies began storing baseballs in a humidor in 2002 to moisten them up and weigh them down.  According to USA Today, the number of home runs and runs scored at Coors Field has greatly decreased since the beginning of the humidor era.  However, a rumor that the Rockies are using non-humidor balls in opportune moments is now being disseminated by many in baseball, including the San Francisco Giants.  The rumor states that the Rockies will mix non-humidor or "juiced" baseballs in with the mandated humidor balls and then use those "juiced" baseballs when they need to score runs in the later innings of a game.  At first I thought the rumor to be completely ridiculous, but I did some research nonetheless.  While I do not believe this rumor to be 100% true, this is what I have discovered: There is no third party responsible for putting all the baseball's in the humidor and then making sure only those baseballs are used in the game.  It is up to the Rockies organization to be honest and only use humidor balls, meaning it is only too easy for them to cheat.  Furthermore, according to the Rockies official web site, the team has hit 167 home runs this season and 103 of them have been hit at Coors Field.  While home field advantage could be one explanation for why the Rockies have hit 103 home runs at home and only 64 on the road, hitting almost twice as many home runs at home is quite an advantage.
What really makes this rumor worth talking about after an entire season is Friday night's Giants vs. Rockies game, which took place at Coors Field.  Tim Lincecum was pitching a perfect game into the 6th inning, when he gave up a bloop double to Seth Smith.  The Rockies knew that this lead-off double was probably going to be their one scoring opportunity, and according to the Giants, the Rockies attempted to score that run from second by giving Lincecum a "juiced" ball.  When Lincecum was thrown the new ball, he could tell something was wrong with it right away.  Take a look at this video where he throws the new ball back to the umpire and makes a comment about juiced baseballs.  Unfortunately I cannot embed the video, but you can check it out at this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StY_mGM-lU4

Lincecum is one of the most laid back guys in the game.  I have watched almost every single game he has ever pitched and, even on bad days, I have never seen him get visibly angry.  This is what convinced me, not that the Rockies are definitely cheating, but that Major League Baseball has to do something.  According to sportingnews.com, MLB umpires will be keeping a close eye on the all the balls that come in and out of the humidor, but is this solution enough?  To really eliminate the doubts people are having about the Rockies, a third party needs to take over the task of placing balls in the humidor and giving them to the umpires.  Until the Rockies have no control over the balls being used in their home park, speculation about whether or not they are cheating will continue.