How Baseball Can Help the Socially Awkward

I know what you’re thinking.  Why is someone so witty and intelligent in print claiming to be socially awkward? Well, this may come as a shock to many of my readers (all 2 of you), but I do not thrive in social scenarios. If you’re like me, you meet someone and you spend more time staring at your feet and fidgeting than you do talking. And eye contact?  What eye contact?  You avoid it at all costs.  However, my one saving grace has always been baseball, and now it can be yours too!  Let me explain…

When I meet someone for the first time I immediately place him or her in one of two categories. The “I eat, breathe, dream about sports” fan or the “who is Derek Jeter? What are these sports you speak of?” non-fan.  How, you ask, can I label someone just by looking at them?  I can’t.  I make this determination by showing off my tattoo and then gauging each person’s reaction.

My Tattoo:

This man made Tim Wakefield cry.  He must be the devil.

OK, so I don’t have a “Devil Aaron Boone” tattoo, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t considered getting one.  Anyway, I usually drop a line about sports at the beginning of a conversation, and if my counterpart takes the bait we become best friends.

So what does all this have to do with being socially awkward?  Good question.  Basically, I'm not a great at making conversation, and I am especially bad with people I don’t know very well. Baseball (and sports in general) provides me with a continuing and ever-changing topic of conversation.  When it comes to sports, there is always something new to talk about and I am always thrilled to discuss it.  In fact, once I start talking sports I don’t shut up. Gone is the impulse to stare at my feet and suddenly I stop fidgeting. It’s almost as if discussing sports transforms me into a properly functioning member of society. While I am passionate about other things as well, there are only so many times I can ask why the shooter on the Star Destroyer didn’t blow up the Tantive IV escape pod carrying C-3P0 and R2-D2. So what if there were no life forms on board? Did he not realize that droids exist?  Blowing up the pod would have destroyed the Death Star blue prints and any chance the Rebellion had at defeating the Empire. But I digress…

My point is, while other topics of conversation can be discussed to the point of exhaustion, every day brings new sports headlines and gives fans something fresh to talk about over dinner or at a party. Without sports, you may run out of topics to discuss and may be reluctant to bring up, yet again, how upset you are that Tolkien sent Frodo off to the Grey Havens at the end of the Lord of the Rings. This will most likely lead to an unintentional lull in the conversation, which is where baseball can save the day. Right before the pause in dialogue grows to an awkwardly epic size you say "Hey, did you catch the game last night?" and voilà, crisis averted.  So my advice to anyone who considers him or herself an awkward conversationalist: start watching baseball (or any sport for that matter). You’ll be surprised how quickly you will emerge from your socially awkward shell.  

Happy 38th Birthday Mike Lowell!

Tomorrow, February 24, is Mike Lowell's birthday and although he has been out of baseball for over a year, I refuse to stop celebrating what should be a national holiday. Why do I love Mikey so much?  His story can warm the heart of even the most cold-blooded Yankees fan. He is a cancer survivor who hit rock bottom with the Marlins, rebounded in Boston, became a World Series MVP and won over the hearts of baseball’s most critical fans. Not to mention he is just a stand up guy. After the 2007 season, in which he won the World Series MVP award, he took less money to stay, and eventually finish his career, with the Red Sox. And let's not forget that he was a leader and positive influence in the clubhouse.  I mean, look what happened to the Red Sox the season after he left (I really need to stop bringing this up). I could go on, but I’d rather let Mike do the talking (and dancing). So feel free to take off work, sit back, relax and watch Mike Lowell at his best.

Let’s start with a recent video:  Mike Lowell was looking good on Dan LeBatard is Highly Questionable about a month ago and although I find Dan LeBatard slightly annoying, his father is hilarious and Mike Lowell makes anything worth watching. 

He is bilingual (his parents are Cuban and he was born in Puerto Rico)

He can dance!

Plus: Matt Damon’s nephews think Mike Lowell is George Clooney 

Please, George Clooney wishes...

My Offseason Musings

I realize it has been a while since my last post, but I took my out frustrations over last year's baseball season on this blog.  I was so unhappy with the Red Sox that I feared what I might write.  I thought, better just leave it alone until 2012.  Now here we are, mid-February, with the promise of a new season warming the hearts of baseball fans everywhere (unless they root for the Mets). This off-season saw a lot of changes throughout baseball, but I want to focus on my team, the Boston Red Sox.

So Long Tito

This one hurt.  Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about Terry Francona. And if you don't know me? I love Tito. I think he is a great manager and an even better person.  So yes, I was upset for a while after Tito resigned.  I may or may not have cried to Adele's Somone Like You throughout the entire month of November.  

Tito, we'll always have Spring Training 2010

where I stared at you all game and took 80 pictures just like the one posted above

And what made matters worse was the Red Sox hired Bobby Valentine.  Yes, he is a no-nonsense type of guy, which is exactly what the Red Sox need after last season's beer and fried chicken debacle.  But after listening to Valentine on Baseball Tonight and Sunday Night Baseball, I just don't agree with anything he says.  I was pushing for Dale Sveum for Red Sox manager, but former Red Sox GM Theo Epstein snatched him up for the Cubs.

Which leads me to my next topic...

Ben Cherington

Maybe I need to give him more of a chance, but I am not too thrilled about any of Ben Cherington's offseason moves.  I am happy he didn't even try to re-sign Jonathan Papelbon ($50 million is a ridiculous amount of money), but between signing Bobby Valentine and trading Josh Reddick, I just don't know what he is thinking.  Josh Reddick was the first prospect I ever "discovered."  Usually I become a fan of a player once he makes it to the Majors, but after going to Spring Training a few years ago and seeing Reddick play, I knew he was something special.  I followed him through the Minors, rooted for him (and his nerd goggles) when was called up to the Red Sox and truly thought he was the right fielder of the future.  

Josh Reddick and his nerd goggles

The worst part about the Reddick trade is that Cherington arranged it so he could acquire closer Andrew Bailey from the Oakland Athletics.  

Which leads me to my final point...

To Close or Not To Close, That Is The Question

Whether or not The Bard (Daniel Bard, that is) should be the Red Sox closer was a topic of hot debate this offseason.  Personally, I think the decision to put Bard in the starting rotation is the wrong one.  A set-up guy and a closer can get away with two pitches, but a starter?  No way.  

Does this guy look like a starting pitcher to you?  

Bard is going to need to develop a third pitch if he is going to be an effective starting pitcher.  He is also going to have to ease up on his fastball.  Throwing 98 MPH for an inning is one thing, but to throw that consistently and effectively over 7 innings is highly unlikely.  Besides, you need to do more than throw hard to be a starter.  Batters will time your pitches by their second or third at-bats, that's why movement and multiple pitches are more important for a starter than overall speed.  Also, Bard has no experience as a starting pitcher.  CJ Wilson was a reliever who made the transition to the starting rotation, but he was also a starter in the Minor Leagues and Bard was not.  I may eat my words come September, but if you ask me Bard should be in the bullpen, not the starting rotation.

So this is my rant about the Red Sox tumultuous offseason. Hopefully the 2012 season will prove to be a good one for the Sox, and baseball in general. 

Until next time...