I know what you’re thinking.
Why is someone so witty and intelligent in print claiming to be socially
awkward? Well, this may come as a shock to many of my readers (all 2 of you),
but I do not thrive in social scenarios. If you’re like me, you meet someone
and you spend more time staring at your feet and fidgeting than you do talking.
And eye contact? What eye contact? You avoid it at all costs. However, my one saving grace has always been
baseball, and now it can be yours too! Let
me explain…
When I meet someone for the first time I immediately place him or her in one of two
categories. The “I eat, breathe, dream about sports” fan or the “who is Derek
Jeter? What are these sports you speak of?” non-fan. How, you ask, can I label someone just by looking at them?
I can’t. I make this
determination by showing off my tattoo and then gauging each
person’s reaction.
My Tattoo:
This man made Tim Wakefield cry. He must be the devil.
OK, so I don’t have a “Devil Aaron Boone” tattoo, but that
doesn’t mean I haven’t considered getting one.
Anyway, I usually drop a line about sports at the beginning of a
conversation, and if my counterpart takes the bait we become best friends.
So what does all this have to do with being socially
awkward? Good question. Basically, I'm not a great at making conversation, and I am especially bad with people I don’t know very well. Baseball (and
sports in general) provides me with a continuing and ever-changing topic of conversation. When it comes to sports, there is always something new to
talk about and I am always thrilled to discuss it. In fact, once I start talking sports I don’t
shut up. Gone is the impulse to stare at my feet and suddenly I stop fidgeting.
It’s almost as if discussing sports transforms me into a properly functioning member of
society. While I am passionate about other things as well, there are only so
many times I can ask why the shooter on the Star Destroyer didn’t blow up the Tantive IV escape pod carrying C-3P0 and R2-D2.
So what if there were no life forms on board?
Did he not realize that droids exist? Blowing
up the pod would have destroyed the Death Star blue prints and any chance the
Rebellion had at defeating the Empire. But I digress…
My point is, while other topics of conversation can be discussed to the point of exhaustion, every day brings new sports headlines and gives
fans something fresh to talk about over dinner or at a party. Without sports, you may run out of topics to discuss and may be reluctant to bring up, yet again, how upset you are that Tolkien sent Frodo off to the Grey Havens at the end of the Lord of the Rings. This will most likely lead to an unintentional lull in the conversation, which is where baseball can save the day. Right before the pause in dialogue grows to an awkwardly epic size you say "Hey, did you catch the game last night?" and voilà, crisis averted. So my advice to
anyone who considers him or herself an awkward conversationalist: start
watching baseball (or any sport for that matter). You’ll be surprised how
quickly you will emerge from your socially awkward shell.
